He did what to Uzzah?

These past few weeks I have been greatly humbled by the renewed realization of how little I know of God. Because of my depraved, sinful nature I can never know God the way I want to and this hurts and frustrates me. What is even more frustrating is how there are countless theologians, Biblical scholars, pastors, teachers, and preachers who unknowingly speak falsely of the God who they claim to know. I respect and admire their genuine desire to want to know God on a deeper level and share what they know about God; however, this must be done with great humility and perhaps even with a cautionary admission to the possibility of being wrong.

Although I don't intend this blog post to be about Rob Bell's controversial book Love Wins, the youtube video clip of Francis Chan humbly protesting the flaws in this book further echoed the incredible frustration that I have been feeling lately. Chan alludes to how most of us know much less about God than we would like to think we know. I think every one of us knows less Truth than we think we know because not all our personal beliefs are Truth since all our perspectives/world beliefs/personalities/denominations are in one way or another flawed because of our sinful nature. Obviously God is always revealing Himself to us in new ways everyday but there is a relative limit regarding how much we can learn about Him through studying Scripture without twisting, distorting, adding, or subtracting what we would like to believe or what we think we are being told. Obviously every man that has ever lived has distorted God's Word in some way because of our sinful nature (even before God's Word was written).

Romans 9:21 is taking on a new meaning for me (hopefully not so much a flawed meaning) when I think about what Chan said -we are simply pieces of clay. How ludicrous is it to think about one piece of clay explaining to another piece of clay what the potter is like! Isaiah 55:8 says:  "for my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways." How sobering and very humbling these verses are in the face of how arrogantly and carelessly we view Scripture sometimes. How often do we draw conclusions that aren't true? What are we really saying when we say "I wouldn't believe in a God who would...."? Who would what? Do something you wouldn't do? Or think in a way that is different from the way you think? Maybe the Creator's sense of justice is more developed than yours? Maybe His love and His mercy are perfect and you are the one that is flawed?

As Chan remarks and I agree with him, there are some things that God has done that I would never have thought to do. Maybe this is why I have been feeling so frustrated lately -I have been reading through the Old Testament which is just so filled with so many stories where people die or are rather purposefully killed because of their sin. The incongruence of God's character in the OT compared with the NT used to really bother me. Obviously God is never changing -it is the way that He is portrayed in the OT and then in the NT that changes. God dealt with His people in more physical ways in the OT, whereas in the NT the judgement is more on the spiritual level.

In Exodus 32 the people sin and the priest tells them to strap swords to their sides and run back and forth and kill people even their own family -3,000 people died. Now I would have never thought to do this seemingly unmerciful act -yes the people sinned greatly by making a golden calf but to tell them to kill their own family -that is not the kind of punishment I would even have thought of. I am currently reading through 1 Chronicles and was shocked to read chapter 13 verse 9 where God strikes Uzzah dead because he reached out his hand to steady the ark because the oxen had stumbled. Yes it was a great sin to touch the ark but I would have done the same as Uzzah if I saw that the ark of God was about ready to crash upon the floor because the oxen carrying it stumbled. Yet God still killed Uzzah even though Uzzah only had good intentions -I would not have done this if I was God. And then we see good old, faithful Job, one of the most faithful guys and yet God took everything he owned away from him -we don't always understand God's ways. Perhaps one of those most puzzling things God has done was to send His one and only begotten, perfect, beloved Son to die for a people so undeserving of life and redemption. And then God takes the Devil, one of His created beings, and throws him into a lake of burning sulfur where he will be tormented day and night for ever and ever. Tormented for ever and ever? I don't think I would have ever done this...this just means that God knows something I don't know.

There are things I want desperately to be true and part of me thinks that things should have been a certain way but then I must remember that God's ways are not my ways and His thoughts are not my thoughts.

precarious cacophony

Around Christmas time I was do some heavy reading on the AIDS epidemic and afterward I felt incredibly frustrated -frustrated over the fact that I just read a lot of sobering stuff and I didn't know what to do about it and I couldn't find the adequate words to write what I was feeling. And then I wrote this which helped lessen some of my frustration: "Perhaps a major part of the frustration we experience as a result of failing to adequately or sufficiently express ourselves is because we may not be able to more loudly express ourselves than the thing that serves as the impetus for the expression." 

Today, that is how I felt. Like pretty much every day I have more thoughts racing through my head than I can count. Most of my thoughts make sense in my head but a much smaller fraction of them make sense in writing. Sometimes random thoughts lead to more random thoughts which then lead occasionally to some form of organization. Such as I was thinking just now....

We have so many words in the English language of which we can choose to express ourselves with. Compared with many other languages, English is richly comprised of all kinds of descriptive words and words that have multiple meanings. I often wish I could speak many other languages so I would have more ways and words of which to express myself. I am so looking forward to the day when all believers will surround the Lord's throne and in all their different languages praise Him -what a beautiful sound that will be! We can't even imagine how beautiful it will be because 1) we don't know all the different languages of the world which will take on a different meaning for us in heaven and 2) we have never heard all the languages spoken simultaneously and if you have it probably sounded like a really annoying, very harsh and unpleasant cacophonous sound which won't exist in heaven. 

Many people find that they are able to express themselves better and more freely in music. Music without lyrics is often the most powerful of all. Words are limiting -they provoke certain feelings or emotions, they recall various memories, and sometimes they stir stereotypes. This is why wordless worship is so important in fostering spiritual growth and intimacy -we aren't confined by our words. I often do my best thinking and praying in silence. I pray best not only in silence but with silence. I so oftentimes find words so inadequate that they are practically useless. However, I won't deny the power of words or their important place in time of need, but let's give a moment of silence -to silence. 

So I discovered this quote the other day in this book I am currently reading and I think it fits nicely here:

Prayer without words is not so much expressing our dependence on God, but rather experiencing it and being so overwhelmed by that experience that words become so inadequate that they are useless. Nor are they really needed. Silence alone is appropriate. Wordless prayer is a kind of firm foundation for prayer with words. For without this deep awareness of God's dynamic presence in our lives, which comes with wordless prayer, we would probably become restless and uncertain in our prayer life (wondering whether we are doing it properly, worrying about our distractedness, etc.) With wordless prayer as the secure root of our spirituality, we shall never become overanxious (at least never for long), because we shall know that we are in God and so is all else that is. This is what really matters: all reality is charged with the glory of God's presence. -William Shannon

So my train of thought continued...words are inadequate, languages are inadequate -even all the languages of the world, music is inadequate but when we get to heaven, we will hear the most beautiful music of all of God's people singing together in one Spirit and to think we can't even comprehend on this side of heaven how beautiful that will be let alone even begin to fathom the beauty of God in all His glory....it is no wonder we get so frustrated with trying to adequately express ourselves with all our silly human words.

Freedom isn't free, but is it freeing?

a girls' school in Antigua, Guatemala

As I was walking my dog early this morning I observed a recreational aircraft flying overhead. I thought about how I could probably be a pilot if I wanted to be –not that I would want to be a commercial pilot but it would be cool to have my aviator’s license. Here in the States we have so much freedom to do almost anything we want within reason and become practically whoever we want to be within reason. The more I contemplated this idea of freedom –and I am not strictly speaking “freedom” as in having political independence –the more I realized that freedom isn’t really “freeing” in the sense that we would like it to be.

We are told that “the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil” (1 Timothy 6:10). It’s kind of ironic to think how more money usually leads to more “freedom” but more “freedom” doesn’t necessarily mean one is more “freed.” Not that more money and hence more freedom always lead to more worry, more comparison, more greed, etc. but that is often the natural pattern.

As psychological beings we often reason that whatever choice we make between two equally good options that it was the best choice in order to lessen any cognitive dissonance we often experience after the decision is made. However, in the backs of our minds we are always questioning whether we should have became a doctor instead of a lawyer or if we should have bought a boat instead of a new car or if we should have vacationed in Switzerland instead of Sweden. With such an endless array of choices to be made, how can we ever achieve full contentment? True “freedom” is only found in Jesus Christ and it is only through Him that we can really escape this American illusion of “freedom.”

“You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love” (Galatians 5:13).

Whenever I think about my time in Guatemala I keep picturing all these little orphans who owned not one thing in this world but still donned the biggest smiles I have ever seen. They have very little freedom in our sense of the word freedom but they possessed the most freeing spirit I have ever seen. 

A Revival of Revival?

I just read an interesting article entitled “Jesus as “Lover”?” which describes the new, unbiblical Christian movement of switching focus from having the agape kind of love for Jesus to possessing a kind of eros love for Him. Of course this “Jesus as a Lover” doctrine doesn’t seem as twisted when you phrase it as “yearning for greater intimacy or emotional attachment” than when you use the words “eros” over “agape.”  

Andrew Strom, the guy who wrote the article, points out how ironic it is that many people who are drawn to this doctrine are “seeking Revival.” They really believe that this is the kind of “intimacy” God desires. Coincidentally, there has been a recent influx of Song of Solomon type themed songs. Although Strom would argue that these people take being the “Bride” of Christ as to mean we are to have the same kind of passion an earthly husband and wife have for each other, I am not sure most people espousing this doctrine view it to that same degree. I have witnessed this movement, however, and, as with all new movements, it is worthy of examination because of the “Revival” impact it is creating.

This article was written by a guy who has studied revival for many years. He finds their talk of revival ironic given the old Revivalists prayed to a God who is very different than what is described here. Understanding “who God is” is at the crux of obtaining Revival.

Strom writes:

They prayed to a God of holiness and majesty and awe –a God of glory who hates sin, yet sent His son to die for sinners. The God that the old Revivalists prayed to was the "throneroom" God that Isaiah described- "I saw also the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up, and his train filled the temple... And one cried to another and said, Holy, holy, holy is the LORD of hosts: The whole earth is full of his glory. And the posts of the door moved at the voice of him that cried, and the house was filled with smoke." (Is 6:1-5).

This is the "throneroom" God who is described again in Revelation chapter 4 - where we are told that the four beasts cry, "Holy, holy, holy" day and night without ceasing, and the 24 elders cast down their crowns before His throne - over and over again. It is "HOLINESS" that is the chief characteristic of God! No other characteristic is ever repeated three times together in the Bible - let alone over and over, day and night! -"HOLY, HOLY, HOLY."

And actually, the full title of the book of Revelation is the "Revelation of Jesus Christ". So in other words, it is a 'revealing' of who Jesus is and what He is really like. And when John (the 'beloved' disciple) first sees the glorified Christ in Revelation 1, we are told that such is His terror-inducing holiness and glory that John fell at his feet "as though dead." -This is the true Jesus - as He really is.

In every true Revival, it is the God of majesty who reveals himself. For Revival is the "Glory of God" coming down. It is His very 'throneroom' presence coming down amongst men. Thus, even His own children should approach Him with awe. And if we do not pray to this God, then we should not expect Revival at all. -That is one of the basic lessons of Revival history. -We must pray to the 'RIGHT GOD' if we are going to see true Revival.

Incidentally, the 'Bride of Christ' in Revelation is described as a 'holy city' - a "new Jerusalem" coming down from heaven. (Rev 21). So it is clearly a 'CORPORATE' entity that exists at the end of the age. -Not some individualized "girlfriend of Jesus" in the here-and-now.

It is a very serious thing to tamper with our understanding of 'WHO GOD IS' and how we relate to Him. In a lot of ways it is like preaching "another Jesus". -It really is that bad. If you hear phrases today like 'Lovesick for Jesus', 'Bridal Paradigm', "Bridal intimacy", "Inflamed heart", 'Romancing', "Ravished", 'Fascinated', etc, then you can be pretty sure that you are being exposed to this deceptive doctrine. I believe it is serious error, and I urge you to flee from it as far as you can, my friends.

belief in God is ingrained in our human nature

http://www.theblaze.com/stories/is-belief-in-god-ingrained-in-our-human-nature-a-new-study-says-so/

Preach the gospel always, but never underestimate the value of words.

Today as I was lying on a stretcher hooked up to an electrocardiogram machine, I found myself completely enmeshed in a very lively conversation with the nurse performing this diagnostic procedure. Well, basically it was the extremely vivacious nurse who spoke most of the morphemes of this conversation –that is not to say that my utterances were largely comprised of phonemes only but rather she carried the weight of the conversation. Although it was quite the difficult task to utter any morphemes anyways so I was lucky if I got out any simple phonemes.

As soon as I met this woman I could tell she needed a listening ear but more importantly she needed hope, prayer, unconditional love -a relationship with her heavenly Father. Throughout the whole 15 minutes she performed my EKG, she ranted and raved over how upset and angry she is with her work environment –how frustrated she is with her “lazy” secretaries, how she never has time to take a lunch break, how overworked she is. All I could do was just listen to her and try to empathize with her –I definitely felt like a clinical psychologist in training. I sensed this woman’s frustration and anger and I sensed her deep need for a Savior; however, I could not quite find the right words to say to her (not that she gave me much of an opportunity in getting any words in edgewise anyway). Before I left I wanted to say something like “I will pray for you” (because I did and wanted her to know) but I was afraid of how she would take it.

Fortunately, God provided me with another encounter with this woman –or perhaps it was a second chance to witness to her? I had to come back in the afternoon for my echocardiogram since she didn’t have an opening in the morning. In the hours between these meetings I couldn’t stop thinking about and praying for this desperate woman and want I might say to her.

When I came back for my echocardiogram, her mood seemed to have improved immensely. The continued rant only lasted five minutes, after this, we dived into a plethora of topics from everything to European travel to politics to economics –everything but religion. And then, the moment I have been waiting for, finally came! As we were talking about the paradox of how the seemingly healthy die young while those who live dangerously unhealthy and destructive lives seem to hang on forever, she then commented that she believes our lives our numbered by God. The woman then quickly mentioned that she is Greek Orthodox as to give a reason for her previous statement. Because of the finality in the tone of voice she used, I took this as she did not want to talk about religion or that maybe she did –because she was quite loquacious –but didn’t want to offend me if I had a differing religious belief. Now that I am at home, reflecting on this conversation, I am kicking myself for thinking the former and not seizing the opportunity to share what I believe no matter what the outcome. In the moment, I couldn’t think fast enough before she moved on to a different topic.

This encounter got me thinking about witnessing in general. Why didn’t I deliberately share with this woman how much God really loved her –not for all her life’s mistakes (messy divorce, job dissatisfaction, family issues –she pretty much shared her life story with me) but for who she is? Why wasn’t I braver? I now feel incredibly guilty for not taking advantage of this opportunity. I feel guilty as if I was too ashamed of my faith to share it but I know I am not ashamed of it. But if we are not at all ashamed to proclaim His name, why don’t we do it more often? I know my greatest fear is saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. I am very afraid that I might say something that will turn someone off even more if they are already somewhat turned off to Christianity. I do not want to take any responsibility for turning someone more away from Christ –the only One who can save them. Instead of turning them more away, I rather play it safe and not say anything at all. My problem is relying too much upon my own ability to think of what to say instead of relying more upon God to supply my words.

I have always liked St. Francis of Assisi’s quote: “Preach the gospel always, if necessary use words.” My unabated skepticism for why I have always liked it was only further proven when I realized that my liking of it was related to the comfort it gave me. Witnessing (the kind involving the utilization of the vocal cords) calls most people out of their comfort zone. I wonder how often people excuse their lack of verbally sharing the gospel by believing people will be transformed simply by observing their good deeds. I wonder if that woman could sense that I was different. I wonder if words were necessary in this situation. A lot of people do good works and show acts of love but not everyone is a true believer. 

wanting so desperately to tremble.

So as I was sitting in church on this Easter Sunday morning I found myself struck with a sense of overwhelming indignation. Just as the choir finished singing a very powerful, moving song about Jesus’ glorious resurrection –one which makes you just want to throw yourself on the floor in prostration not because you are gripped by the powerful emotionalism of the song (must be leery of that) but because you understand the powerful Truth the lyrics hold and what it means for your life –one of our associate pastors got up to say a prayer. Now I am not disparaging my pastor or his prayer or the way he prayed but rather I am really praising God because of my reaction to it and the reflection that followed. 

“Christ is risen from the dead! Trampling over death by death. O death! Where is your sting? O hell! Where is your victory! Holy, only begotten Son of God, Ancient of Days. Beautiful Savior, Lord of the nations, Son of God and Son of Man, glory and honor, praise, adoration, now and forevermore be Thine.”

It’s so easy to forget what Christ did for us. We “forget” in the sense that we sometimes lose our sense of reverence when approaching God Almighty, Lord of all the Universe whether in prayer or supplication or thanksgiving or in singing worship. We are to fear and tremble in awe at the sound of His name. I have yet to meet a person who literally trembles at every thought of the Most Holy and I know I never will this side of heaven because we can never know or completely understand God’s glory (and even in heaven I don't think God will give us complete understanding either). Perhaps we would start trembling more often if, before we engage in any act of deliberate worship, we first set aside a few minutes of conscious meditation on how holy and perfect God is and the sacrifice He made for us completely unworthy beings so that we can be with Him one day.

After the choir sang I found myself lost in one of the moments where you are just in complete speechless awe and wonder of how and why a perfect Savior would want to save such an imperfect, worthless being. And then one of the pastors gets up to pray: “God, we thank you for this opportunity to gather together to worship you…..we thank you for this…..we thank you for that…..” There was no obviously lack of reverence in this prayer but have you ever been in such speechless awe that to mutter any words coming from a mouth that has sinned many times would taint the perfectness of the object or person you are in awe of? Well, that is how I felt in that moment and it made me seriously reevaluate my own prayer life.

What defines prayer? If you asked me when I was a kid I probably would have strictly defined prayer as talking to God. If we accept this simple definition then why do we make one of the simplest things the most difficult?

At the end of the day it is so easy to get on your knees and mindlessly go through heartless prayers that you have memorized. I don’t mean “memorized” in the sense of reciting the Lord’s prayer but memorized as in you say the same prayer that comes to mind every night because you are too tired to think of much else.  Sure this kind of prayer may bring a peace of mind but it sure doesn’t bring intimacy (and, if you are somewhat alert and not too tired, you may recognize the thoughtlessness of the prayer which produces a lot of guilt). Even if we are fully conscious and awake, prayer takes effort and concentration. It is so easy for our minds to wander sometimes.

Abraham Kuyper writes on prayer and the consciousness in his book The Work of the Holy Spirit: 

“The form of prayer does not affect its character. It may be a mere groaning in thought, or a sigh in which the oppressed soul finds relief; it may consist of a single cry, a flow of words, or an elaborate invocation of the Eternal. It may even turn into speaking or singing. But so long as the soul, in the consciousness that God lives and hears its cry, addresses itself directly to Him as though it stood in His immediate presence, the character of prayer remains intact. However, discrimination between these various forms of prayer is necessary in order to discover, in the root of prayer itself, the work of the Holy Spirit.”

C.S. Lewis wrote: "What seem our worst prayers may really be, in God's eyes, our best. Those, I mean, which are least supported by devotional feeling. For these may come from a deeper level than feeling. God sometimes seems to speak to us most intimately when he catches us, as it were, off our guard."

It is really the sin of prayerlessness that precedes all other sins. In Jesus' life and ministry prayer preceded his actions. If you were honest with yourself, you would have to admit that your prayer life often lacks consistency, enthusiasm, confidence, or possibly some combination of all three. Henri Nouwen reminds us that the original meaning of “theology” was “union with God in prayer.” In his book In the Name of Jesus, Henri Nouwen says “but for the future of Christian leadership it is of vital importance to reclaim the mystical aspect of theology so that every word spoken, every advice given, and every strategy developed can come from a heart that knows God intimately.” Before we begin to pray, it is crucial to get into the right mind frame. Before you utter a word, remember you are speaking to the most Holy of all Holies.