Around Christmas time I was do some heavy reading on the AIDS epidemic and afterward I felt incredibly frustrated -frustrated over the fact that I just read a lot of sobering stuff and I didn't know what to do about it and I couldn't find the adequate words to write what I was feeling. And then I wrote this which helped lessen some of my frustration: "Perhaps a major part of the frustration we experience as a result of failing to adequately or sufficiently express ourselves is because we may not be able to more loudly express ourselves than the thing that serves as the impetus for the expression."
Today, that is how I felt. Like pretty much every day I have more thoughts racing through my head than I can count. Most of my thoughts make sense in my head but a much smaller fraction of them make sense in writing. Sometimes random thoughts lead to more random thoughts which then lead occasionally to some form of organization. Such as I was thinking just now....
We have so many words in the English language of which we can choose to express ourselves with. Compared with many other languages, English is richly comprised of all kinds of descriptive words and words that have multiple meanings. I often wish I could speak many other languages so I would have more ways and words of which to express myself. I am so looking forward to the day when all believers will surround the Lord's throne and in all their different languages praise Him -what a beautiful sound that will be! We can't even imagine how beautiful it will be because 1) we don't know all the different languages of the world which will take on a different meaning for us in heaven and 2) we have never heard all the languages spoken simultaneously and if you have it probably sounded like a really annoying, very harsh and unpleasant cacophonous sound which won't exist in heaven.
Many people find that they are able to express themselves better and more freely in music. Music without lyrics is often the most powerful of all. Words are limiting -they provoke certain feelings or emotions, they recall various memories, and sometimes they stir stereotypes. This is why wordless worship is so important in fostering spiritual growth and intimacy -we aren't confined by our words. I often do my best thinking and praying in silence. I pray best not only in silence but with silence. I so oftentimes find words so inadequate that they are practically useless. However, I won't deny the power of words or their important place in time of need, but let's give a moment of silence -to silence.
So I discovered this quote the other day in this book I am currently reading and I think it fits nicely here:
Prayer without words is not so much expressing our dependence on God, but rather experiencing it and being so overwhelmed by that experience that words become so inadequate that they are useless. Nor are they really needed. Silence alone is appropriate. Wordless prayer is a kind of firm foundation for prayer with words. For without this deep awareness of God's dynamic presence in our lives, which comes with wordless prayer, we would probably become restless and uncertain in our prayer life (wondering whether we are doing it properly, worrying about our distractedness, etc.) With wordless prayer as the secure root of our spirituality, we shall never become overanxious (at least never for long), because we shall know that we are in God and so is all else that is. This is what really matters: all reality is charged with the glory of God's presence. -William Shannon
So my train of thought continued...words are inadequate, languages are inadequate -even all the languages of the world, music is inadequate but when we get to heaven, we will hear the most beautiful music of all of God's people singing together in one Spirit and to think we can't even comprehend on this side of heaven how beautiful that will be let alone even begin to fathom the beauty of God in all His glory....it is no wonder we get so frustrated with trying to adequately express ourselves with all our silly human words.
