I have never experienced so many new major life transitions all at once. Adjustment takes adjustment. It doesn't happen overnight. Falling quickly into a schedule or a routine after classes begin doesn't always happen. Losing drive, focus, motivation, and energy may happen. Feeling guilty over feeling legalistic over forcing yourself to get into God's Word is only further compounded by more feelings of guilt as you continue to force yourself to read Scripture daily because to you that's the most logical way of getting back into a regular Scripture reading routine. Spending time alone or in prayer isn't as rejuvenating as it once was.
I wasn't expecting this kind of an adjustment. The first couple of weeks were pleasant and enjoyable, but now that classes have begun I have been second-guessing myself like crazy about committing to a five year program. Going through this long program is no guarantee that I will be successful when I get through, or that I will even have a good job placement, or that I will even enjoy what I will do. Is my becoming a clinical psychologist really in God's will for my life? Why has "God's will" become more of an obsession than a feeling of trust?
In this mess of feelings, confusion over unknown, heavy frustration, lost focus and motivation, I have to come to appreciate close friendships that will hopefully continue to deepen despite the long distance and I have come to realize more the importance and need for fellowship with other believers. God sometimes uses other people to speak to you so let Him....sometimes that's easier than trying to hear Him speaking directly to you while you're alone I am finding. I am thankful for friends who will sit and pray with you no matter how little sense you seem to make to yourself as you are barely able to articulate even the least remote feeling of something you can't even put a name to.
I am also thankful that transitions are transitory. Even the hardest transitions don't last forever. Our lives are really just transitions. Some transitions are good, some are hard, and some are a little of both at times. Our transitional lives are preparing us for something far greater than just a series of seemingly endless transitions. Transitions such as the one I am in is greatly helping me to focus more on the life where transitions cease and only permanence reigns.
