Without a home: A three-year-old HIV positive orphan cries at the Aidchild Orphanage in Mpigi, 60 km north of the capital Kampala, Uganda. She was abandoned in Kampala at a hospital and refused by an orphanage due to her condition.I used to get really upset and annoyed with people who would get angry at God because of their “less-than-ideal” plot in life that God dealt them. I used to get so frustrated with these peoples’ “immature” way of thinking. Like Job sometimes I would feel like saying to them: “Should we accept good from God, and not trouble?” I just could not comprehend how any intelligent human being could not understand that we are not entitled to anything in life –that life itself is such a precious gift from God –that God is the supplier of every breath we breathe. I had this self-righteous attitude (which I am obviously still working on) –I thought if I could get through some tough times and trials in my life and still give God the praise and thank Him for what I do have and what He has brought me through –then why can’t they? I realize everyone might not be going through the same circumstances as me and many others may be going through things I can’t even imagine, but –for those who acknowledge God as their Creator –it’s like I just expect them to accept the “simple” truth that “the Lord gives and takes away, blessed be His name.” And that, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I shall return there.”
But lately I have been realizing more and more that I too must go through some maturation. To assume that I have mastered the spiritual discipline of complete contentment simply because I can’t easily recollect the last time I complained to God or was angry (maybe not directly with God, but angry with someone else) is a lie. This lie was just recently brought to my attention once again as I have been reviewing some literature on AIDS.
I just finished reading through a very informative and interesting book that dispels some of the myths surrounding AIDS. (Since I am headed to country with a high prevalence of AIDS soon, I thought I should probably educate myself about the pandemic a little more before I go). Reading through this book and other online articles on this issue does something to you. If only words are adequate enough to describe both the hope and the despair I feel; the longing to help and the I-would-rather-remain-ignorant-so-I-don’t-feel-compelled-to-do-something-state; the helplessness and the I-can-change-the-world-with-my-own-two-hands-feeling (Ben Harper song), then I would use more words than these. (Perhaps a major part of the frustration we experience as a result of failing to adequately or sufficiently express ourselves is because we may not be able to more loudly express ourselves than the thing that serves as the impetus for the expression).
Anyway, since I really want to put into writing what I am feeling but can’t find the words, I thought I would share this powerful picture I discovered online which is pretty touching. Seeing this picture of this child crying just stirred up so many emotions inside of me. It makes me want to run to this girl’s side and just hold her. It makes me want to trade places with her, although I don’t think I would be able to if given the chance.
So all this got me thinking about the lie I live with everyday –the lie all of us live with everyday. That self-righteous lie that tells us we are better than everybody else. Who are we to gauge our neighbor’s heart of thanksgiving when trials come their way? While I am still sometimes mystified by how some people only expect good from God, I am learning the importance of putting myself in others’ shoes and the discipline of judging not.
Sometimes I wonder whether I would still give God the same praise if I was the little, crying girl in this picture.
