once upon a monsoon in a desert

In my psychology seminar class I was asked what I want in life and what I fear. When I look at what I want in life and what I am afraid of in life, I think I see a close connection -many of my wants are my fears and many of my fears are my wants. I think the same is true for a lot of people. Personally there is an attraction involved in the things I am most afraid of. There is great excitement and also anxiousness of the uncertainty in taking on the things I am most fearful of, but I think the greatest, most motivating emotion is the sense of peace or comfort in knowing one of only two possible outcomes will be met. These two outcomes being either I will concur the fear and in turn experience a boost in confidence as well as competency or I will not concur the fear in this same confidence-boosting sense but at least there is always invaluable wisdom and understanding to be gained in facing fears especially fears of the unknown.

Of course there are two kinds of fear -one’s healthy and one’s hindering -and there must be some differentiation. I think it is very interesting to look at how both fear and love motivate us.

The fear of death paralyzes a lot of people to the extent that they can no longer fully enjoy life. Life must be feared more than death and until this is realized, life cannot fully be lived. What is more terrifying than a life wasted on worry, fear, and regret? The words spoken by a very wise man in a church in the Bahamas of which I attended last week still ring fresh in my ears: “I fear life more than I fear death.”

How can we possibly both fear life and love and enjoy life at the same time?  It helps me to think about a raindrop and the ocean. Our lives are but tiny raindrops cascading into an endless sea. What we do with this incredibly infinitesimal iota of life matters greatly in the span of eternity. Living with an ever-constant, conscious fear of not doing enough in this life to further the Kingdom of God on earth is healthy. I am not advocating or supporting the position that it is all about doing good works that will get one into heaven. I believe it is by faith alone but genuine faith produces good works and real faith never lets the mind rest soundly enough to stop thinking about how one can continuously spread goodness. I don’t mean to create an image of a restless, paranoid, schizophrenic person here, I am rather referring to someone who has peace and comfort in knowing God has already worked out their salvation and, as a result, they are constantly looking to please Him by doing good to others.

Fear is very motivating thing. Why do we let it keep us from being loved and loving? Perhaps fear exists to helps us become more aware of love. I think we can learn a lot about love through fear and vice versa. Through fear we learn a lot about ourselves, through love we learn a lot about others. I think it is pretty essential to first experience a good dose of fear before a good dose of love begins to outweigh the fear. It is by first beginning to look at our own lives and becoming intimate with our fears -recognizing what we really fear and why we fear it -then we can eventually learn to really love. Letting go of this kind of fear is important in order to really love but we must always possess a reverent, awe-struck fear that motivates us to show nothing but love to our neighbors.

from heaven to heaven

So I may or may not be taking my very last college class on the white, sandy beaches here in the Bahamas. Although to say I am “blessed” with this opportunity sounds a bit sarcastic, I dare say this is not far from being accurate. Tonight we were invited over for dinner by Dr. David Allen (a well-respected psychiatrist who has taught at Yale and Harvard and has done some pretty significant research). What an honor and privilege it was to sit at this man’s feet and listen to him speak as he ever so humbly shared a little bit of his profound wisdom with us. Also Dr. Allen’s visiting friend and fellow Yale professor contributed to the deeply interesting discussion. Although both of these highly intelligent men possess a lot of knowledge about their chosen profession, they first and foremost consider and identity themselves as followers of Christ.

I keep thinking about what Dr. Allen said about living heaven on earth where we are consciously thinking and seeing God in everything and in every interaction we have. Seeing God in everything is not being enthralled by a certain star at night while star gazing for that would be idolatry, but “seeing God in everything” is gazing at the whole sky and all the visible stars and other things we cannot even imagine that are beyond the what the eye can visibly see while consciously praising God for all its beauty and for the wonder and awe it provokes.

One thing I really love and admire about Dr. Allen is how you can tell he loves talking to whomever he is talking to no matter if it is some naïve undergrad students from a small, private college or a fellow Yale professor. The observation that he seems to always be enjoying himself was confirmed when he remarked how he sees a figment of Jesus in all of us. I don’t think I have ever met anyone who really seems to so thoroughly enjoy himself no matter whom he is talking to or what he is doing.

This morning, in his Sunday school class, Dr. Allen further expanded on this kind of mindset. He emphasized how we must recognize that we are the vehicles of God's presence and love: "if we can only see that our lives are pulsating realities of the eternal Kingdom." Blessed are the pure in heart for they will see God. Dr. Allen pointed out that in Ephesians 2:6 it says that we are seated with Christ in the heavenly realms. As the Jebusites say we go from heaven to heaven. This is something I still need to be constantly reminded of -I need to learn to put a higher value and an increased appreciation on every single interaction I have with every person I come in contact with.

a picture of dorian gray

"How much happier you would be if you only knew that these people cared nothing about you! How much larger your life would be if your self could become smaller in it; if you could really look at other men with common curiosity and pleasure; if you could see them walking as they are in their sunny selfishness and their virile indifference! You would begin to be interested in them because they were not interested in you. You would break out of this tiny and tawdry theater in which your own little plot is always being played, and you would find yourself under a freer sky, in a street full of splendid strangers."

-excerpt from G.K. Chesterton's book Orthodoxy used liberally yet brilliantly in John Piper's When I Don't Desire God to point out how often we miss seeing the glory of God in everyday life because of our blindness and self-absorption