Okay so maybe I am not a blogger -I know I haven't written anything in awhile. I guess I am not much of a journalist either - I have been in Ireland now 6 weeks and only 25 pages of my journal are written on.
It's not that I haven't been doing a lot of thinking, it's just that I haven't thought much about how to put my thoughts into written words.
On the train ride into town this Sunday afternoon, amidst dull moments in conversation, I started thinking about what life-changing/world-saving job I could be doing right now if my scholastic position (i.e.- school) wasn't where I am right now. I'm not saying I am at all disappointed with where I currently am -I can't begin to comprehend how blessed I am to study in such a beautiful country as Ireland -I wouldn't trade this opportunity for anything. I think we all, from time to time, think about what amazing, world changing thing we could possibly be doing if we weren't doing what we are doing now. And then we (or maybe this is just me) get frustrated with what we are doing now when we think about how we could possibly be doing something greater. It's then that I need to tell myself that what I am doing now will probably help me to possibly do something great in the future.
But, I have been thinking a lot about what it is like to feel utter contentment -to be completely content no matter where I am and what I am doing. Normally, I feel kind of restless on a regular basis. I desire to learn how to be so content wherever I am so I can be fully present.
Anyways…
although I could write about this topic at greater length, that's not my purpose here. Basically, I just included my thoughts that I had today on the train just to give an example, a [poor] analogy if you will, of the general thought processes that I have been having lately. These past six weeks have been a whirlwind of activities both of the mental and physical variations (I'm not sure why I am writing like this, but I think this sounds weirdly cool so I will leave it). Back to the weak analogy, it's like I can be sitting in a coffee shop, on the train, or in a pub fully engaged in conversation but having a million other thoughts. This is quite usual for me -to have a million different thoughts going on at once -but this time it's different because I can't seem to adequately put what I am thinking/feeling/experiencing into words. It's like this afternoon when I was riding on the train -when the conversation came to a halt, I could have kept it going if I shared my thoughts, but I chose not to because sometimes my thoughts aren't making sense to me probably because they are not fully formulated. This has kind of been what these past six weeks have been like here in Ireland. I have been having thoughts just not very clear thoughts -they are thoughts that never finish themselves, thoughts that flow into other thoughts, but often thoughts that just interpret other thoughts. It's like when someone is talking to you and someone else rudely interprets, but you don't really know what the person who interpreted just said because you were so focused on the person who was first talking but then it's hard to keep your focus on the first person who was talking to you because you are so distracted by the second person. That's kind of how my thoughts been lately.
Oowwww! My finger hurts from where I cut it when I washing dishes earlier today. I wonder if that girl knows how loud her music is right now?...does she know that people can hear her whispering the words of that song? Someone is skyping about 20 feet away from me...I’m trying not to eavesdrop, it would be easier if they weren‘t speaking so loud.. Yes, I will upload that picture for you. Why did I get up at 6:30 this morning? I am so tired right now. Why am I wasting my time writing any of this anyway. Oh, that's right because this is supposed to help me to sort out my thoughts.
These were some of the thoughts I had over the past minute. It's really not so much that I have ADD but it's just that I live with 25 other people who I am around constantly. I love the group I am with a lot, but finding enough alone time is a constant struggle. Although I am slowly learning to set aside more time for myself to just be alone, I am also simultaneously learning the importance of community. The realization that I will only have this special type of community for just two more months is also starting to set in. I wish I had some deep thought on our community in relation to the body of Christ and what it is like to live in close proximity with other believers, but the truth is, while my thoughts may have the potential to be deep, they aren’t fully developed. And my thoughts, like this blog, are presently a bunch of hodge podge.
Although I am not much of a list-maker, I made out a list of my goals for this semester. One of my goals that supersedes every other goal on that list is to find new ways of pursuing God in order to achieve a new level of intimacy with Him. I am not sure what these new ways look like but, being in a new environment, I am sure I will discover some.
The realization that I really am in such a beautiful country finally settled in a couple of weeks ago and again over this past week when we were in Galway. Initially, I think I definitely took the country’s beauty for granted the first few weeks we were here because I was so distracted by the adjustment process. However, the other day when I went to the beach by myself, I was awakened to God’s unspeakable beauty. I brought my Bible with me with the intentions to read a little Scripture, but this didn’t happen. After I found the perfect rock to sit on that was overlooking the cliff, I began staring at the huge waves hitting the rocks on shore. I became mesmerized by the mighty waves...they are such a great visual representation of God’s mighty power.
Well, I wrote bits and pieces of this over a week and I still want to continue to add more bits and pieces but this would soon turn into a novel if I do. I guess I will end this here for now because once again my thoughts are being interrupted….it’s past midnight...we are well into quiet hours….and as a RA, I guess I should go lay down the law.
Seven more weeks to cherish, work through, savor, persevere, learn, love, and live.
Seven more weeks.
